Hi to all the community gardeners and thank you for inviting me to attend the last Monday evening get together…….what a great group! I’m very impressed with the teamwork in getting the garden moving along so well and fast!
I was also very impressed with the fact that you were willing to have someone come along to talk about dealing with conflict. Not exactly an exciting topic, but one which we have generally had very little training in. It is very interesting that in our society, our education is greatly missing in dealing with emotions and conflict. Unless you were lucky enough to have parents that didn’t suppress emotions and used effective conflict management skills, you have simply done what everyone has done – handled life the best way you can – ineffectively!
For those that weren’t at my short talk, you may be taken back by me stating that we are not dealing with emotions and conflict well at all. I would love it if you can ‘see’ the truth in it. Just look at our relationships and the wars around the planet.
I didn’t think that I would get a second invite so I jammed a lot of ideas into one power point, quickly discussed some effective but rarely used techniques and left you (probably dangling…. sorry about that) with some paper info.
A summary of the evening;
- Does buying into who’s right and who’s wrong work?
- 3 major obstacles – beliefs/fears, defensiveness, emotions
- Focus on what works! For all!
- Behaviour is 80% emotions and conditioned thinking. We need to be conscious to respond rather than react
- If a belief doesn’t work for you, you can change it. Beliefs are not set in stone or necessarily true.
- For things to change, first I must change
- Do you want to be right? Or happy?
- Defensiveness just doesn’t work!
- Listen, acknowledge, ask questions. Ask Michael about a student of mine that took this little gem into his relationship. It’s amazing when individuals take action….turning information into knowledge and reaping the benefit.
Please add your thoughts below in the reply box and let me know if you would like me to add a few dealing with conflict posts on your Community Garden Blog. Or, have a look at my Blog newlifeparties.com
In health and happiness, Lexia